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Public Displays of Protocol – January 2012


With the media following Ashton Kutcher around for the past few weeks, trying to

Ashton Kutcher Source: Cliff1066

get him to comment on his ex-wife, Demi Moore, and her recent 911 emergency situation, it would have been easy for him to spit out all the dirt.  He could’ve seen it as an opportunity to shift the attention away from his trip to Brazil and paint Moore as a monstrous addict.  Yet, he chose not to air her dirty laundry and not heighten media speculation or sensationalism. Kutcher is WINNING!


Last night we witnessed Blake Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers

Blake Griffin

dunk on Oklahoma City Thunder center Kendrick Perkins in one of the NBA’s ultimate half man, half amazing moments.  It. Was. Awesome.  Before I get off topic, the truly praiseworthy action was Griffin’s response during the post-game interview.  Instead of beating his chest and boasting of his athletic superiority, he was humble, respectful of the opposing team, and he credited his teammates.  WINNING big time.


A captain abandoning his ship?  Unacceptable.  Of course anyone would be scared to go down with a sinking or capsizing ship, but if you are going to handle it the cowardly way, then you don’t become a captain.  If Captain Francesco Schettino of the crashed cruise ship, the Costa Concordia, slipped onto the safety boat by mistake, he should have hopped back out and continued helping passengers onto the boat.  The worst of it is the recording of the coast guard commander ordering him to return to the boat while he outright refused.  That right there negates his whole “slipped to safety by mistake” excuse.  You, Sir, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and definitely do not beg of our sympathy.  LOSING!


Since when is it acceptable to shake your finger in any grown man’s face, as

Jan Brewer and President Obama Source: Haraz N. Ghanbari/AP

though he were a school boy?  The nerve of Governor Jan Brewer to do it to her president.  Has she no home training?  If she can make the absurd claim that she felt threatened by President Obama’s comments about her book, then she fully understands the threat behind putting one’s hand in another person’s face.  It’s disrespectful and degrading to the president as a man and to the office he holds.  Instead of parading around the talk show circuit trying to make a name for herself, Brewer should be releasing a round of apologies to the POTUS.  She is LOSING.

We’re watching the GOP Debates.  A soldier appears on screen to ask candidates about their views on the reversal of the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy.  The crowd begins to boo at the soldier and the candidates do not intercede to stop the crowd.  What is wrong with this picture?  So many things.  However, the one that’s blaring in our faces is the fact that our gay soldiers, along with every other soldier, protect us throughout the wars, the terrorist threats and all kinds of disasters.  You thank them, you embrace them, you look out for them, but by no means do you heckle them.  Shame on the GOP members and candidates who allowed that to happen.  They are all LOSING!

Our January lessons learned are:

1.  Men, choose to be a gentleman whenever the opportunity presents itself.
2. Leaders, don’t abandon those who depend on you.
3. Don’t get up in anyone’s face unless you’re really asking for trouble.
4. Respect those who protect you and your liberties.


Digital Disrespect: You Didn’t Call Me Back!

So many of us are guilty of this one.  Here’s how it goes…  It’s Tuesday morning and you call your friend to catch up on juicy, new developments since the weekend.  Your friend doesn’t return the call.  On Tuesday evening, you text your BFF to say “Hey, what’s up?  I left you a message.  Call me back.”  You get no response.  You hop on Twitter and see that s/he has been tweeting half the day away.  Tweeting about what’s “now playing,” Blue Ivy’s godmother, the POTUS giving a SOTU, and on and on.  So you check Facebook and there’s your friend posting photos while posing in the bathroom mirror; “liking” wall photos with the long quotes; checking into Starbucks.  And there you are, fuming, wondering why you haven’t received a response all day.

Before you blast them with sub-tweets, here’s what you need to realize.  Before the advent of mobile device and social network stalking, people had down time.  They would turn off the ringer on their phones.  They would complete a thought without a little red light or abrupt vibration interrupting.  They would step outside with… wait for it… no way for you to contact them!  I know, it’s amazing.  Well, people (yourself included) still need that peace and quiet sometimes.  Technology has not changed that about human nature yet.

If someone takes a long time to return your message, it could be because they are not in the mood to chat, they do not have the energy, or they are not in a place to hold the kind of conversation they want to have with you.  Don’t take it personally, plotting to hold it against them for the next 25 years, deleting them from all your social sites and blocking their phone number.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.  More than likely they will contact you sooner than later and talk your head off or you’ll talk off theirs.  All will be right in the world again.  So save the drama and give each other some digital, mobile space.

Clean-up in Aisle 2: Managing Your Online Rep

Previously, in Hot Shots and the Should Nots, I talked specifically about cleaning up your online photo/video sharing to protect yourself. Here, I want to take it further and encourage you to take similar precaution with whatever you post, tag, tweet, like, or pin across social media platforms. Plus, I will provide information on companies that can help you with revamping and streamlining your online reputation. I want to make it clear that this doesn’t mean you can’t share provocative, controversial, fun or silly thoughts and items. What I want you to be aware of is the fact that whenever you do this you are forever attaching your name to it. So consider whether you’re releasing something detrimental to your personal safety, family, career or general reputation.

Do you really want to cosign the parody “Sh!t Black Girls Say,” if you’re not a Black girl? Are you sure you want to tweet about cheating on your computer science exam? Do you have to click “like” and repost 87 videos of teen girls slapping each other? All I’m saying is you should think first.

Now, if you have been sharing on the Internet in a manner you aren’t so proud of, as I mentioned in the previous post, there are several companies that can help you. Reputation Management Online, Reputation Hawk LLC, MyReputation, DefendMyName, and Naymz all provide services for managing your image and reputation in the cyber world. If you find that you are having trouble landing interviews or offers after background checks, or that people around town are just looking at you funny, these online establishments are worth looking into.

If you’re interested in handling your digital rep on your own, keep in mind that it can be time consuming but there are free sites to help you along with that ambition as well. Sites like MyPermissions.org and Reppler help you see your reputation risks across social media platforms, so that you’ll get a good lay out of the issues you would want to target.

You are now equipped with the tools you’ll need for your online reputation clean-up. In the meanwhile, think before you tweet, ponder before you post, simply be smart before you share and your image will be all sorted out before you know it.

Little Lady Tips – 1/19/12


Hot Shots and the Should Nots

With all the madness across the wild, wild web, it’s time to do a series on digital etiquette and protocol to help you protect yourself and your image.  Shall we start with the topic of photo and video sharing on digital or social media platforms?

Oh, you know which photos and videos I’m talking about!  The ones in which the girl is leaning forward with her breasts spilling out her top while making that weirdo kissy face.  The one in which the guy is cheesing at the camera with a woman bent over, grabbing her ankles, grinding on him.  The pics of you posing au naturel with the seductive bedroom eyes.  Yes, those.

I know, I know, your Twitter is private and Facebook is on all kinds of intricate custom settings.  The thing is the pictures you share on those sites are held on photo storage platforms that just about anybody can access.  And if you are sexting those snapshots to someone, you are easily leaving yourself open to a growing viewing audience.  Peek-a-boo, we see you!

Believe me when I say I’m not hating on anybody getting their freak on.  I just want you to be in control of who is privileged enough to see your goods.  If you’re looking for a job, you don’t want potential employers looking at you get it in and shake it fast on YouTube.  Well, unless that is the type of job you are hoping to get.  Then by all means shake it faster.  Even then you want to make sure that “audition” video is getting to the right eyes, or else you are working hard just to give away free shows.

If you are about to share that last clip of you making it rain, think before you upload.  If you’ve been tossing up promiscuous shots of yourself all willy nilly and find yourself prone to overexposure, it’s not too late.  There is help!  There are companies that will clean up our online personality by strategically pouring tons of positive, smart, clean posts on our behalf in order to cancel out the messy stuff.  If you are looking to join a new organization, apply to college or graduate schools, or merely broaden your network, this might be a great option for you.  Whatever your goal is, keep in mind that the only way to keep your raunchy pics and clips private is to keep them off the web and off other people’s smart phones.

Little Lady Tips – 1/10/12


Happy New You!

The start of a new year swells with potential for all the greatness we can accomplish over the next 365/6 days.  Considering all the resolutions, plans and hopes to achieve our goals, one of the best and most easily manageable tools we have on our side is self image.  It is all about the personal brand you build for yourself.  What face do you want to put forth, whether in person or on the Internet?  How do you want others to read you?  What reputation do you intend to establish?  A major component of this is getting a handle on etiquette, protocol, and basic manners in any situation from business to social.  The more you improve your etiquette skills, the better your image becomes.  With a more refined image comes more successful networking and greater opportunities.

Think about it!  Colleges are looking for the well behaved student who doesn’t seem like a future liability.  Employers prefer the well mannered employee who comes highly recommended and appears to have good work ethic.  Investors feel more comfortable signing over their money to the entrepreneur who presents his/herself as polished, dependable and confident.

So, look at this as your time to set your image; your brand.  You are welcomed to use this blog as your modern guide for everything from business protocol to digital etiquette, form social etiquette to fashion protocol and more.  We’ll explore together and figure out how to always present you in the best light.  Stay tuned throughout the year and if you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask them here or catch me in real time on Twitter @DrJaiCupid.

Happy New Year and cheers to a new you!