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Busines Protocol and Etiquette, Social Etiquette

Gas, Gropes, and Groans: Elevator Joy Rides

Ten strangers squished into a funny little box all at once; trying to maintain their personal territory; accidentally rubbing against each other’s parts; staring at the buttons, the mirrored video camera, the digital ads screen; zoning out to sedative music.  Oh how I love elevators.  (I’m holding up my sarcasm sign.)  I know I’m not the only one who isn’t gung ho about taking the lift, but also isn’t interested in walking up 24 flights of stairs everyday.  So we hop in and hope for the best.

Unless you have claustrophobia, it really doesn’t have to be a daunting experience each day.  If we’re all a little more considerate, the elevator ride might even be fun.  It could be like that free falling amusement park ride!  OK that might be a bit much for a daily event, but still, it could be pleasant.  Here are a few tips that will help us all ride in peace:

1. Don’t pass gas – fart – poop – break wind in the elevator whether it’s full of people or not.  Stop laughing!  You know what I’m talking about:  I walk in all happy go lucky and get bombed by a condensed cloud of pew wee!  GAS FACE – The absolute worst way to start the day.

2. Don’t jump in front of the folks who got there first and stood around waiting for five – ten minutes.  Wait until they enter and if there is enough room, then you can join in.  And if you are a gentleman amongst the early birds, it’s always a nice gesture to let the early bird ladies step in before you.

3. Turn down your headphones.  Elevator music is bad enough.  There is no need to add your own remix to it.

4. Don’t stare at or mean mug people upon entering the elevator.  It makes everybody think they’re being cornered in by a lunatic.

5. It’s also not a good idea to cop a feel or grope anyone.  I think that’s self explanatory, but in case it’s not, what you need to know is that it is illegal.

6. If there’s really no room for you, just wait for the next one.  Cramming in doesn’t just limit the air in the box, it causes and actual hazard.  You don’t want to be the one to cause an elevator malfunction.  Seriously, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and the CPSC, injuries from elevators affect about 10,200 people per year and approximately 27 people are killed in elevator accidents each year.

If you take nothing else away from these suggestions, please heed #1, #5, and #6 (especially #1).  Alright, commence the joy riding.

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