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Personal Etiquette, Social Etiquette

I’ve Got You Covered

This is an etiquette tip that will apply until the end of time (unless we evolve to grow face masks).

Today, a man sat down in the seat next to me on the train and began coughing up his left lung. No biggie …until I noticed that he was blasting his germy wetness all over the place. Yet, somehow, it wasn’t as bad as when that guy walking down 48th Street let out a humongoid sneeze, spraying his unmasked diabolical mucous right onto my face. I thought I would just die – right there – just fall out on the pavement.

Well, I lived to tell you about it. So I’m here to say, “Cover your blow hole.” If you’re blowing, spitting, coughing, sneezing, spraying anything out of your mouth or nose, then please, please, pretty please shield that area. Even if you aren’t sick, we, the Random People in Public Spaces, aren’t interested in getting intimate with you on your fancy flying saliva level. No offense, we’re just not that into you. Also consider blocking us from your yawns and belches, because it’s quite unpleasant to catch an unexpected whiff of that pungent French onion soup lunch.

The best options are to use either a tissue or the inner bend of your arm to shield your face. No, wiping snot with your fingers and then shaking someone’s hand is not cool. Of course the tissue is best, because you can discard of it immediately afterwards. Use your arm in absence of a tissue, because that part of you will more than likely have minimal contact with other people.

If you make this a habit, you can make the world a cleaner, germ quarantined place. I know you want that as badly as I do.

This has been a public service announcement.

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